3 days ago
How Parents Can Stop Children Playing Them Against Each Other
Sometimes children ask both parents the same question to get the answer they want.
They may notice which parent is more likely to say yes.
Parents can have different opinions, and that is normal.
But parents should not argue about those opinions in front of the child.
Instead, they can say they will discuss the issue and answer later.
The parents should talk about what worries each of them.
For example, they can discuss where a party is and how the child will get home.
This helps the child understand that rules are decided by the adults together.
If a parent changes their mind after learning more, that can be a useful lesson about maturity.
Children may ask each parent separately after receiving an unwanted answer.
Different parenting views are normal, but competition can make one parent seem like the “good parent.”
Parents should avoid contradicting each other or arguing through the child.
Disagreements should be discussed privately, including the specific safety concerns behind each position.
Changing a decision after considering new information can teach children that flexibility is mature.
- Who
- Parents and their children, particularly adolescents.
- What
- The article offers advice for preventing children from exploiting disagreements between parents to obtain preferred answers.
- Where
- Within family decision-making and conversations between parents and children.
- When
- The issue can arise whenever parents make differing decisions about rules, permission, or activities.
- Why
- Children may learn which parent is easier to persuade, while unresolved disagreements can undermine consistent rules and place the child between the adults.
Key facts
- Central problem
- Children may ask each parent separately after one parent has said no.
- Normal differences
- Parents may disagree about screen time, curfews, homework, or social activities.
- Potential effect
- A child may view rules as dependent on which parent is present.
- Recommended response
- Parents can say they will discuss the matter and get back to the child.
- Private discussion
- Parents should examine the specific concerns behind a disagreement, such as party location, supervision, and transportation.
- Changing decisions
- A parent can explain that changing a decision after considering new information is not weakness.
Quotes
A parent
A parent explaining a changed decision after discussing it with the other parent.
“I initially said no, but after discussing it with your mother and understanding the situation better, I have changed my mind”
indianexpress.com
“Your father and I will discuss it and get back to you”
indianexpress.com
Sources
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