Health · Mental Health · 8 hrs ago
Esther Perel says too many boundaries are behind the ‘sex recession’
Psychotherapist Esther Perel says too many boundaries are behind the ‘sex recession’.
An Australian study of 17,000 people found that relationship satisfaction differs between men and women, with the gap beginning when couples move in together.
Women can lose autonomy as they take on more family care and household work, Perel says, while men’s wellbeing may also be affected by family demands.
She argues that domestic routines can work against desire, even though familiarity and security help relationships feel stable.
In the study, satisfaction fell for both men and women until around 24 years together, then rose again.
Satisfaction is generally high in very long-term relationships, despite the dip along the way.
Esther Perel says too many boundaries are behind what she calls the “sex recession.”
The psychotherapist says women often take on responsibility for family wellbeing and domestic work, which can weaken their autonomy and individuality.
An Australian study known as HILDA examined 17,000 people’s attitudes to their relationships.
The study found relationship satisfaction bottoms out for both men and women around the 24-year mark before rising again.
Perel says the needs of family life can conflict with the conditions that support erotic desire.
- Who
- Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and relationship adviser.
- What
- She says too many boundaries are behind the “sex recession.
- When
- The article was published on November 13, 2026.
- Where
- Not stated.
- Why
- Perel says family life favours routine and consistency, while desire resists returning to the same patterns.
This story does not have two clearly opposing sides.
This story does not have a timeline yet.
- Study
- HILDA examined 17,000 people’s attitudes to their relationships
- Satisfaction low point
- Around the 24-year mark of a relationship
- Perel's age
- 68
- Article publication
- November 13, 2026
What people are saying
There is a way to take accountability for hurt and to bring back the good things in the relationship.
Family life wants routine, and consistency and repetition. Desire doesn’t want to return to the same spot day after day.
There is this notion that if you love, you desire.
But in fact in a long-term relationship, what love wants – which is consistency and familiarity and safety – are elements that are preconditions for desire.