Health · Mental Health · 2 hrs ago
Why sincere support matters more than finding perfect words
Writer Michelle Bong Lejtenyi struggled to comfort loved ones facing cancer and grief.
She describes sending a relative a stiff message after a breast cancer diagnosis and asking an acquaintance with late-stage ovarian cancer, “How are you?”
That question upset the acquaintance, who was angry that Lejtenyi asked despite her diagnosis.
Lejtenyi says comforting someone is difficult because there is no clear way to make a person feel less bad about illness, loss or uncertainty.
Trying too hard to sound polished can seem insincere, while blunt or overly careful words can also hurt.
She has learnt that sincerity matters more than perfect wording when someone is suffering.
Writer Michelle Bong Lejtenyi says sincere support can matter more than finding perfect words for someone facing cancer or grief.
She describes struggling to console loved ones despite having spent more than two decades writing professionally.
Attempts to offer comfort can sound insincere if they are too polished, or hurtful if they are too blunt.
Her experiences include texting an aunt and a former boss after their cancer diagnoses.
- Who
- Michelle Bong Lejtenyi, a writer, reflects on supporting loved ones facing serious illness and grief.
- What
- She says sincerity can matter more than finding the perfect words to console someone.
- When
- The article was published on 13 October 2026; it was updated on 14 October 2026.
- Where
- Not stated.
- Why
- She says consoling someone is difficult because words can sound insincere or cause hurt.
This story does not have two clearly opposing sides.
Bong Lejtenyi’s aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she texted her that she was sorry to hear about her condition.
A former boss and dear friend was diagnosed with breast cancer, and Bong Lejtenyi blurted out, “oh s***”.
An acquaintance was hospitalised with stomach cramps and was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer.
- Author
- Michelle Bong Lejtenyi
- Outlet
- CNA
- Published
- 13 October 2026
- Updated
- 14 October 2026
- Career
- More than two decades of writing professionally
- Acquaintance’s diagnosis
- Late-stage ovarian cancer
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What people are saying
Too polished, and it reads insincere. Too blunt, and it can wound. Too careful, and the words seem found, not felt.
My Achilles’ heel, I have found, is conveying consolation.