Archive · 19 Aug 2026
Why Young People Feel Too Connected to Connect
Young people can know what many people are doing but still feel lonely.
Seeing updates and sending messages is not always the same as feeling close to someone.
People may show only their best or safest sides in public and online.
This can make it harder to be honest and feel accepted.
Strong friendships grow when people regularly spend time together and keep showing up.
They also grow when friends share imperfect feelings and respond kindly.
Shasta Nelson calls the important ingredients positivity, consistency, and vulnerability.
The main idea is that good friendships are practiced through attention, trust, and being willing to be truly known.
Many young adults have frequent digital contact but still struggle to identify people they can turn to for support.
Social media, dating apps, networking spaces, and some workplaces can encourage carefully curated self-presentations.
Meaningful friendship depends more on connection quality than on the number of relationships someone has.
Deep friendships develop through reciprocity, continuity, vulnerability, trust, and acceptance without judgment.
Shasta Nelson identifies positivity, consistency, and vulnerability as three ingredients of close friendship.
- Who
- Young adults, as discussed by Sam Carr, a Reader in Education with Psychology and Centre for Death and Society at the University of Bath.
- What
- The article examines why people can have many connections yet lack deep, supportive friendships.
- When
- No specific date is given; the article was first published on The Conversation.
- Where
- The issue appears in settings including social media, professional networking spaces, dating apps, universities, and workplaces.
- Why
- Curated self-presentation and a lack of spaces where people feel safe being authentic can make relationships feel shallow or conditional.
- Central paradox
- People may be highly connected yet feel they lack genuine closeness and support.
- Three friendship ingredients
- Shasta Nelson identifies positivity, consistency, and vulnerability.
- Positivity
- Interactions that make people feel accepted, valued, understood, encouraged, and welcomed.
- Consistency
- Regular contact and repeated encounters help build trust over time.
- Vulnerability
- Allowing others to see imperfect, uncertain, or unfinished parts of oneself.
- Deep friendship
- It involves reciprocity, emotional risk, continuity, shared vulnerability, and trust.
- Author
- Sam Carr, Reader in Education with Psychology and Centre for Death and Society at the University of Bath.